Film Reviews - AvPGalaxy's Own Critics!

[Hubbs]

The Green Hornet

To be honest I think they made this purely to see the 'Black Beauty' realised in a live action film (the car), there is so much car porn in this film its quite incredible haha I am abit of a car bod though so it was quite nice to see Reids garage. Still the whole thing is predictably your typical blockbuster fare with silly stunts, obvious cgi in places and a very very very unoriginal plot which is the Hollywood standard plot mould for all films in this genre.
The very odd 'Terminator' style pov vision used for Kato when he fights was rather strange and misplaced I must say, also the nasty violent segments and graphic deaths of one or two people (Chudnosky especially) seemed also out of place for what is advertised as a film for all, curious mix.

Cast wise Rogen wasn't too bad as Reid despite him sounding like Fozzie the Bear everytime he raised his voice, some of his quips were amusing yet harmless and his clumsy overweight action attempts were funny in a 'Naked Gun' type way. Chou as Kato was as you would expect....slick, slim and with a Bruce Lee air of coolness but the fact he is the guy that does all the actual hero stuff and Reid/Hornet gets all the attention was pretty formulaic. Waltz was good as the baddie of course although this type of film seems way below his standards, Diaz was hardly used and quite right too as shes practically useless in everything shes ever done and a terrible actress.

Usual silly adaptation from Hollywood here, the original show was a cult thing but this is just bog standard over the top nonsense much like 'Charlie's Angels' and 'The A-Team' which will be forgotten in the blink of an eye, I'm still waiting for adaptations of all the original TV shows....'Airwolf' and 'The Six Million Dollar Man' come on down 

[Hubbs]

The Tourist


Well I've never seen so much obvious makeup on actors in a regular film in my life!! Depp and Jolie are totally caped in it haha both have heavy eyeliner, major tan/complexion touch ups, heavy cheekbone highlights whilst Depp I'm sure has had his little beard coloured bahaha its pathetic.
Judging from the musical score on this I'm guessing the director was trying to add a lavish classic feel to the proceedings which would maybe mimic old Hollywood classic love affairs from the days off Gable and Bogart, unfortunately Depp and Jolie can't pull that off. The acting is terrible as usual from Jolie, she looks terribly thin and bony making me simply unable to understand her sexual appeal. Depp is watchable despite makeup slapped on him with a trowel but yet again comes across as his other movie character persona's made worse by the inclusion of his English accent AGAIN!!

Plot is small n cute but hardly revolutionary, obvious and unoriginal springs to mind more so much like everything else in this film. A huge ego trip for guess who? and not worth the time of day, for Depp and Jolie fans only....maybe not even for Depp fans of the male persuasion

[Hubbs]

True Grit


I haven't seen the original film so unable to compare but as a stand alone western (for me) is was a good film that kept me interested, nothing special I must say, I don't understand why everybody has been going nuts over it.
The acting is very good from all involved this is true, Bridges is brilliant as Cogburn and slurs it up a treat being drunk fat and old but alas its very hard to understand what he says...on purpose? Damon is fine as Laboeuf but didn't blow me away with his performance, I felt an older man was needed there, Brolin and Pepper are surprisingly good as dirty grubby outlaws or loners with there almost Neanderthal speech and low brows but again nothing amazing, the main kudos goes to young Steinfeld with an excellent performance that ranges from damn right annoying at the start to bewitching by the end.
Another star of the film is of course the location work throughout, America still blows the mind with its mix of vast desolate vistas crossed with rugged harsh ranges of rock, the changing weather on show really adds to the realism and makes you feel and smell the land, so yes this film is very authentic looking from scenery to costume.

I did enjoy the film which I didn't think I would, not a huge western fan but this did have a different taste to it, probably from Coen direction (haven't exactly followed their work) I'm sure as there are small moments of humour that you wouldn't normally see in this type of film, and this does help you relate and care for the characters. I must say overall its nothing I haven't actually seen before lets be honest here, its good but the western genre isn't exactly original when it comes to these kind of films, maybe they should make a film simply about a farmer on the plains raising his family. Still this genre has been created very well in recent years looking better than ever, I feel like I'm learning about the old west and its history as I watch

[Alienseseses]

Pandorum

I came out of this movie feeling a little mixed, though on the whole I liked it. There were several ideas in this that I found genuinely scary, and plenty of claustrophobia and in general skittishness. It does falter a bit in the middle, but the story picks itself up again for the last few scenes. My main problems, aside from some iffy writing in the middle, are the cinematography, lighting, and creatures.

The movie was shot rather badly. In some scenes, being dark worked, but in others not so much. Also, the framing was incomprehensible some times (not in a good way), and the tinting was often lurid. The movie would have had much more production value if the producer hired a different DP.

The creatures, again, a mixed bag. On one hand, their design isn't scary in close up, and often we see full body shots. Also, some times their motions are very obviously sped up in the edit, and when they're supposed to be having a feeding frenzy, they just look like they're groping. On the other hand, if shot and acted correctly, the creatures could have been much cooler, since the prosthetics on their own are fine. Also, the aura around the creatures is very scary sometimes. Just hearing them approach an otherwise quiet room is unsettling.

I really dug the acting in this, and the plot had me going the whole time. The director clearly had a vision, and while the movie was flawed, it was worth the view.

I give it a 6/10

[Hubbs]

Burlesque


WOW this was predictable fluff, if your thinking along the lines of 'Moulin Rouge' and 'Chicago' your not far wrong, basically with the same plot from 'Showgirls' and errr well its basically 'Showgirls' but Burlesque.

Its not a bad film but its just very very average with very little on offer for catchy memorable tunes/songs, all the usual cliched characters and predictable events during the film and very little acting talent on show to boot. The appearance of the film is lovely with a real glitzy, razzle dazzle 'Cabaret' look and feel, the dancers are all superb and look stunning but Aguilera is poor as the lead, looks the part but just can't act (much like Kidman in 'Moulin Rouge'). Cher is actually not a bad choice for the club owner as she looks the part of an aging dancer refusing to let herself grow old gracefully, suits her plastic looks perfectly, whilst Gallagher looks and plays almost the same character/role as Maclachlan in 'Showgirls', Tucci is the cliched gay close friend and assistant to Cher.

To be honest I was amazed Madonna and Lady Gaga weren't involved and that's the problem here, the lack of real raw acting and dancing talent and the use of boring huge star names that take all charm and realism out of the whole idea....the very unoriginal dull idea.

Its a nice try but its too in your face and not believable, hard to nail down but it just doesn't work, too many tried plot ideas and maybe the club was too extravagant and big, maybe it should of been more lowkey, a slightly more humble approach?
A Gene Kelly beater this certainly is not

[Hubbs]

The Night Flier


I enjoyed this creepy kooky vamp flick, every minute of it its not an amazing film or well acted but it just has a nice eerie atmosphere that doesn't scare but merely adds to the halloween type feeling and makes you feel all good about vampires and their legend.

As I said the acting is alittle rough around the edges, Ferrer was never the best in the books but he plays a grumpy heartless pressman pretty well although he lacks a real punch. Rest of the cast are so so, adding not much but neither taking away, the real highlight is the brilliant makeup effects on the vampires face when finally seen, really nice design and look with a unique fang structure. The fact he uses an all black plane to get around is unusual for a start haha different I give it that but why would a vampire need a plane? hehe

A nice short story from King which like many of his others is abit limp in the scare department but have a nice light hearted supernatural charm to them which equal reasonable films like this, I liked it due to the vampire element which always makes you think of the lore. 

[Hubbs]

Faster


Well what have we here....Dwayne Johnson, in an adult action film much akin to the 'good old days' of mindless gun totting 18 rated Arnie flicks, and whats more amazing is its actually a half decent film.

The plot runs close to 'The Crow' with some minor differences of course but its an out n out revenge film with the usual types of plot twists that you can kinda see coming really. The violence is hard and brutal which surprised me as I expected it to be a film aimed at teens what with Johnson being involved, he doesn't exactly fit the mould for a violent film to be honest, you keep thinking he's gonna say something dumb to lighten the mood. He doesn't say much throughout the film though which I think was a nice touch (much like Eastwood in his spaghetti westerns, which are hinted at on 'the killers' mobile) and the violence is gritty and realistic as he takes people out one at a time.

The film does feel stretched to the limit as the sub plots involving Billy Bob Thornton and Cohen with their respective issues are really quite uninteresting and slow down the killing badly, but I guess you can't just have constant killing. Afew minor silly moments here and there like Johnson simply being able to walk into an operating theatre during an operation, his Chevelle (car) somehow being able to hold off a Ferrari in a high speed chase sequence and the ending isn't as good as it could be.

One last thing, shouldn't the film be called 'Driver' instead of 'Faster'? sounds better to me.

[Hubbs]

The Mechanic (2011)


Better than your average action fest but nothing too stunning in this Bronson remake. Statham seems to be the new JCVD (albeit with more guns) for this generation these days as he churns out one 'shoot em up/punch em up' after another of varying quality, this one is reasonable and realistic which is good but there is nothing new here.
Foster adds a decent edge to the film which adds the realism turning it from your usual silly gun ho action flick into something alittle more gritty, Statham can't compete with Foster and gives the muscle of course but his continuous performances as special ops, elite soldier/cop/assassin type people is growing a tiny bit weary, much like Seagal and how he always always plays top elite special ex forces types.
Nice action sequences that are quite brutal and a disturbing bedroom sequence with Foster and his gay target make this stand out from the flock I admit but the ending is weak and predictable, much like all Stathams action flicks so if you like then you will enjoy this.



The Social Network

The acting in this film is very good, I don't know who all the actors are in the film I admit but they all do very well and bring the plot home, I had no idea how complicated and deep the story behind a simple internet friends site could go. The site in question I find average at best to be honest, completely pointless frankly but anyways....this film is made well and performed well. The problem is I just couldn't care a less about any of the people involved, the story behind Facebook and what happened to get it online etc...I found the whole thing so so very boring and uninteresting from start to finish, yes I can tell good acting when I see it but that didn't stop me from thinking when on earth something mildly exciting may happen.
I did find some parts curious as the heat was cranked up and friends were at each others throats over the whole pickle but to be quite honest who cares!! haha a bunch of youngsters all arguing over who owns what and who did what, who created this that and the other oh god.....I just found the whole film completely pointless much like the actual Facebook site.

[Hubbs]

The Duellists (1977)


At the beginning I was growing alittle bored with this film, allot of talk and nothing much interesting at that, slowly you get a sense of the two main characters and who they are, what they want and there is the film. Two soldiers at each others throats through the Napoleonic era from a simple silly cross of words, it sounds almost stupid but it shows great human emotion as you follow Carradines character and watch him grow tired and bored of the feud while Keitel is perfect as the egotistical and virtually combat obsessed Feraud who loves a good duel. With his quick temper and short fuse causing the main quibble and many others throughout the story you see both characters change and grow in terms of attitudes as well as looks and styles of the age.

This is where we see Ridley Scott's attention to detail and his master of visual art, the film looks stunning all the way through, the costumes are pin point right down to the buttons on the men's tunic's, the sets are small but look fully authentic and the landscapes of Europe are sensational!
How Scott got the shots as he wanted is beyond me because it looks as though he made a deal with God for some haha he must have waited some time for just the right weather. Whats more amazing is this was all done with no cgi assistance of course, its all very real which makes it even more impressive and shows just what you can do if you work hard and really really care about what your doing without simply relying on the lazy digital way out.

You could never guess it was made 34 years ago now as it looks and plays just as well as any modern historical epic, the sword fights may be few but look perfectly realistic as if the men are really thinking what they're gonna do next to try and live, whats the next move here, no fancy over the top movements (love the way D'Hubert pauses just before the start of one duel to simply sneeze, intended or not I don't know but its alittle something that just makes the moment more real).

Seeing as it was Ridley Scott's first film its a hell of start and really doesn't seem like it a tall. Only thing I could say is the film makes you wanna see more of the history going on around them but you don't really see anything, its tantalising and hints at it making you want more, not a bad observation of course.

[Hubbs]

Burke and Hare (2010)


So here is a John Landis film you may have missed seeing as its an Ealing production, much like Landis' other UK based hit 'American Werewolf' its full of British stars of both film and TV with plenty of blood n gore along the way If you like Burtons 'Sweeny Todd' then you will probably enjoy this (minus singing of course) as it has the same grimy dark look and black humour.

Based on real fact of course the film is pretty close to the truth, bar one or two things, but does try to lighten the mood with visual gags and utilizing the full gamit of odd ball expressions/features from the classic cast, think 'Sleepy Hollow'. The problem is at times the film does get abit too silly and loses the dark atmosphere, not a huge problem but it comes across as childish when you really want the edgy 'American Werewolf' shock moments instead. There are some nice bloody sequences of course which look excellent as does the entire film to be honest, the sets, costumes and location work is really grim and authentic, Landis knows how to find bleak British locations.

Its a shame this hasn't been given the proper release it deserves as it is a decent Landis flick with all the right boxes ticked for fans of his previous work, as I said Tim Burton fans may enjoy too.




Time Bandits


Haven't seen this for along time now, not since I was a kid I reckon and its aged badly really. I really found myself thinking how stupid the whole thing is and how it could of been so much better hehe the small sections with Cleese, Palin and Connery are of course the better moments as you get that classic 'Monty Python' feeling from the look, location, costumes and the type of dialog used.
The Robin Hood section with Cleese is brilliant simply because of Cleese, the Greece section has that 'Life of Brian' feel to it where as the small segments with Palin feel alittle 'Holy Grail' which is typical of Gilliam of course along with other films 'Jabberwocky' and 'Brazil'.

I find the film very choppy really, some bits are quite cool with some great imagination on show where as allot of it is pretty daft and ropey looking, the whole ending against baddie David Warner is the worst part of the film. I find Gilliams work to be like this genrally in my personal opinion, some is brilliant, some is totally nonsense, but he is more of an artist I think so opinions will differ.

[Hubbs]

Jabberwocky (1977)


One of Gilliams best for me with a stunning British cast of all stars, the look and feel of the film is so obviously Gilliam mixed with Monty Python which is very familiar and reassuring when you watch...you know just what your gonna get and you know its gonna be dark, grim, dirty, gory, unique and very creative. Gilliam is so good at visualising the medieval/dark ages look with his sets, costumes, use of light, use of locations, imagination and without huge amounts of money, yes it does look very much like 'Time Bandits' and 'Holy Grail' which does feel alittle overused BUT there are some many nice touches with that bleak eerie look that you just can't help but enjoy.

The characters do feel slightly cliched and again abit too 'Python-est' but they are all fleshed out so well by the classic cast helped along with brilliantly cheap yet effective costumes and sets. The story is basic and to be honest the film does feel rather dull and strung out through the middle as we look forward to the monster slaying bit hehe allot of 'not much' going on during the middle but again...it looks cool.
Some glorious gooey moments throughout are the highlight for me with some really nice makeup and effects using good old fashioned methods, the Jabberwocky looking cheesy yet nicely 'Burton-esq' Its hard to think this is 34yrs old now!! it still looks great and hasn't aged too badly, love the films name too.

[Hubbs]

Yogi Bear


Call it morbid curiosity...I grew up with the cartoon along with all the other classic Hanna Barbera toons (I'm sure they will make films of those too) and just had to check out how they had ruined this iconic animation hehe
Yes its for kids so you know its gonna be very basic but this poor cgi excuse really is an insult to the original cartoon, I really really don't know why they do this as it won't do much and will be long forgotten within weeks. The film looks very colourful and bright which is nice whilst the cgi fur on the two bears is really well done, especially when its wet, but they just don't match the live action background one bit and simply highlight the still obvious flaws with cgi.
The acting throughout is lame accept for Mayor Brown played by Daly who is amusing whilst the voice of Yogi by Danny Aykroyd is pretty bad, surprisingly Justin Timberlake sounds OK as Boo Boo.

Can't recommend this I'm afraid, well not for adults looking for a retro blast anyway, kids will enjoy I'm sure.

[Hubbs]

Season of the Witch


'We're gonna need more holy water!'

Yep from that line you can tell what your gonna get hehe a nice mix of fantasy, possible historical action and alittle horror and you have this reasonable film which kinda runs along the same kind of atmosphere as 'Solomon Kane'.
Its start off alittle poor with some bad looking cgi battles and the story skipping across the years as the hero's tell their tale which shows them as almost invincible knights killing everyone! It is alittle mythical which is nice and adds to the mystery of the fable but nothing too original. Pearlman and Cage do fit the bill well in this film and add to the adventure giving it that 'Bruce Campbell' feel in places there are some nice scenes with evil magic in use and some good neck snapping deaths to boot, plus Cages hair actually looks real and normal in this film!

The film trundles along nicely right to the finale where it gets much more fantasy based which is fine but as usual cgi corrupts the creators and we get a very crappy looking baddie and an average ending. Shame as there are some cool moments and its definitely one of Cages better efforts that he is churning out these days although Pearlman saves his ass really....Pearlman is coolness period (kicks S.L Jacksons arse anyday of the week lol!).

[Hubbs]

Paul

Wasn't too sure what to expect with this to be honest as the whole 'E.T.' concept has been done so many times in different variations but normally being kiddie flicks of horrendous puke inducing sentimental crapola. This was not like that I discovered, far from it!! you quickly find that Paul is a foul mouthed alien who is pretty at home with earth and its customs.
To be honest what Paul is able to do is pretty daft really, you find yourself rolling your eyes as he magically heals people with the power of his mind (in a Jesus type way), even shotgun wounds it seems! he can also transplant all his mental knowledge into your brain again through the power of his hand on your head hmmmmm
Yes the whole thing is suppose to be a silly outrageous comedy I guess and it is amusing at times but lets not get over excited here, its very childish, obvious, dumb and clearly relies on the little alien swearing to gain the laughs, voiced by Seth Rogen who didn't quite match for me.

Not as clever as 'Hot Fuzz' or 'Shaun'

[Hubbs]

The Dilemma

Is this an advert for the Dodge Charger? for Dodge? or the brick like cars Americans call 'muscle cars'? well it looks like its all of those together in one of the worst plots I've come across for ages. It revolves around the two main characters putting the engine sounds of a Charger into a crappy little electric car model (for some reason) or something along those lines, pointless anyway.

The whole film is a terrible mess of comedy, slapstick and heart wrenching drama which as you can imagine sits badly and makes you feel rather uncomfortable. Vaughan has churned out many turdy films in recent years and this is no different which is a shame as he can be a funny guy and be in funny films, James on the other hand still hasn't found his place in the movie world and still can't find a winner 'Mall Cop' being his best effort so far, whilst the usually lovely Ryder is showing her age these days and just comes across as annoying, too skinny, too pale and with a bad makeup job.

A complete waste of money and everyones lives and only backs up my theory that studios are so lacking in ideas now they will just greenlight anything to roll out films, as long as it has some biggish names then its a go.




Drive Angry


First up the name for this film is bad, real bad, secondly Cage is back with another dubious looking hairdo and really not believeable as an ass kicking badass (never was) and lastly after about 15min of watching this I realised this wasn't a film in the same vain as 'Con Air' but yet more pulp, 70's style nonsense which we have Tarantino and Rodriguez to thank for, I actually wanted more 'Con Air' type stuff.

The plot had me all over the place to be honest, at first I thought it was just a simple revenge action flick, from there I got vibes of 'The Crow' and that lead to 'The Prophecy' with little ideas pinched from various other films along the way (Cage putting on shades to cover his shot eye in a T2 moment). Yes its meant to be totally over the top, extremely violent, cheesy, cliched, hammy etc etc...but that still doesn't really detract from the fact its just utter crap that doesn't make any sense lol! The best thing about the film is the car usage and the soundtrack whilst the rest of the film is unoriginal and boring. Don't get me wrong I love a good guns n explosions action flick but I prefer one with just alittle common sense but  this just felt like it was jumping on the bandwagon following 'Machete' but with much more tacky cgi and bad bluescreen effects.